Our paper chain has moved from 56 links to two. It looks bare hanging on the wall. The first 20 to disappear didn’t make much of an impact, but the last 5 feel like someone put my life on fast-forward.
Is it really the end of pregnancy? Did we really make it to December? Is this really the last time I will feel movement inside of me?
As I pass the chain, I feel giddy and anxious at the same time. Such disparate feelings when you close one door and open another. I smile to think of this baby’s sweet cheeks, to think of the warmth of baby skin and meeting a little personality I know so little about. Yet, when reality knocks on the door of my thoughts, I try to push away fears of the unknown.
Will my RCS recovery be the same? Will I hurt, how long? Can I be brave? How do I sleep train with two big kid’s schedules? How do I go grocery shopping, take care of myself and keep everyone healthy during the cruel winter months?
I guess I’ll deal with those unknowns as they come…
In 1 day, 14hrs, and 48minutes, I will be wheeled into a surgical suite and soon after our lives will be forever changed- unimaginably not the same. I trust God with my thoughts in each moment, I trust Him with my life… and with the life inside me.
Baby- you are almost here! What a wonderful world you will come to know; what a light you will be to us! See you soon! xoxo