Yesterday morning I was a good mom. Consequently, I was a bad house-wife. So, in the afternoon I switched to being a dedicated house-wife and wound up being a bad friend. After finally returning calls/texts and being a good friend, I sat down for a little “me time”. I then spent all my “me time” feeling bad I wasn’t sweeping the kitchen or cuddling Tucker as he napped. I just had a good old-fashioned case of “mommy guilt”.
This “mommy guilt” seems to be at an all-time high with 2 kids. Suddenly, when you are a “good mom”, you begin to question if you gave enough attention to them both. I read her stories and played with birthday toys on the floor but was Tucker left to just lay there and watch? I gave him a thorough sink bath, clipped all his nails, and played peek-a-boo for all kinds of giggles but was she just all by herself? It sounds ridiculous as I write it out but I don’t know a mom who doesn’t identify with this feeling at one point or another. It’s hard to feel like you’re capable of doing everything all the time and great at it. Not only is it hard, it’s impossible.
As a mom you just have to realize that things are going to slip through the cracks. Certain chores are going to go embarrassingly long without being done. Your kids aren’t going to be intellectually stimulated by your “super-mom ways” 100% of the time. Healthy, homemade meals don’t just appear on the table. Alone time with your husband happens to come just after a full day of chasing babies, cleaning house, and running errands. There’s a lot to juggle and too much to strive for. It’s a busy life in the mind of a mom: always thinking, planning, and pondering the ways we can do more and be better.
The hardest thing is to be satisfied with yourself. The hardest thing is to be proud of the mom that you are and say “I did my best and that’s more than enough”. It gets even harder when moms put all kinds of pressure and judgements on one another. “You’re not a good mom if you…” When in reality, most moms are beating themselves up daily trying to be the best mom they can be. For the most part, my personality is very laid-back and relaxed. I don’t get too worried about anything or stress myself out. But, there are times when it’s tough to focus on the positives and feel proud of my “performance” in every area of life. We all fall short. I hear it’s a “human thing”. So on a day where I just can’t shake these petty feelings of guilt, I’m reminding myself that I am a good mom…
I put on a dancing/singing show during dinner most nights (including the Hokey-Pokey, Happy and You Know It, and I’m in the Lord’s Army). I make up plot lines with her baby dolls and send them flying off the roof for giggles. I take these kids everywhere and talk their little ears off. There are days when I’m less than entertaining and moments when I’m less than patient.
Kids need to learn to self-entertain. Moments spent as something other than the center-of-attention won’t harm their psyche. The house won’t cave in if the vacuum hasn’t been run in a while and your kids won’t be ruined if you choose to run it. It’s a big balancing act to be taken in stride. All in all, I love my kids with all my heart and do my best to make their lives full of laughter and love.If you’ve got a case of mommy guilt, shake it off and remember your kids are loved. You are super mom, especially in their eyes.