Although we love our little 3 bedroom home, we’ve outgrown it. Matt now works from home everyday and is using our spare room as his office. Now that baby boy is coming we could use another room. So, after weeks of fruitless house-hunting, we decided to consider the idea of building. I love new construction and would be thrilled to be able to pick out every detail of our own space. That is totally “up my alley”! We drove around checking out lots and wound up driving through a neighborhood smack dab in between my parent’s and my sister’s houses. There was a lot for sale with a big field behind it and the neighborhood pool across the street. It had lots of privacy and a great location! We took a tour of a couple models by the builder and fell head over heels, especially when they said they could make it happen within our price range (barely).
We loved the beautiful finishes they included in every home like: distressed dark wood floors, granite in every bathroom/laundry room/kitchen, and vaulted ceilings with beautiful beams. It was beginning to look “up” for us in a hurry. We prayed about this big decision lots and always asked God to either open the doors or close them for us. We continued meeting with the sales agent to discuss our specifications and were told nothing but, YES, we can do that for you! Once we sat down with the contractor it turned into a different story.
For over a month now, we have been on a crazy roller coaster trying to come to a deal and start the process already. We were continually pushed up, up, up in price and told “yes” at first, only to have them change to a “no” at every turn for one reason or another. Two weeks ago, Sunday, we even agreed on a lot down the street that didn’t require extras like a french drain or landscaped wall. We agreed on a closing price and the contract was being written up. We were jumping up and down and screaming for joy that our dream home was going to happen! FINALLY, we had an agreement and could get rolling with the process. Finally, I could let my heart get excited! We bought the celebratory ice cream and downed it with glee. Something in the pit of both of our stomachs still felt nervous that things could change before a contract was signed (they had changed the story several times on us already at this point).
Sure enough, we got the news a few days later that as it turns out the model we had fallen in love with wouldn’t fit on the lot. Are you kidding??? We drove the neighborhood once again and found yet another lot we’d be happy with (desperate to make it happen). When we asked to go ahead and get a contract written up for this lot instead, they decided it was just too risky and we needed to take out a construction loan and up the total cost another huge chunk. UNBELIEVABLE! We finally got the point! What else would you call closing doors? It seems that at every single stage the doors were not only being closed but slammed in our faces.
I’m sure being pregnant hasn’t helped but man this was hard to swallow. Suddenly, our absolute perfect dream home was out the window and we were back to square one. Suddenly, the lot that I pictured my kids playing sports with dad on was bye-bye. The kitchen I pictured fabulous dinners in was adios. I’m not going to lie, I cried, a lot. It was heartbreaking to lose something we truly felt and honestly still feel was “perfect” for us. A house is after all just a “thing” but it’s also the place you picture your life taking place. It can mean lots of entertaining, extra bedrooms for cousin sleepovers, and convenience for more get-togethers.
Throughout this whole process Matt has been telling me to just trust God and know that he has our backs. “He wants what’s best for us.” I can be a bit of a “now woman” as my family likes to call me. I make things happen and want them done yesterday. I get excited and set my heart on things. Trusting God with getting us the perfect house would mean that my idea of “perfect” may be isn’t “perfect”. Trusting God would mean that I might need to have patience. Oh, patience. This is not my forte’ and I will readily admit that. I’m actually kind of the worst at it. So, this “bummer of all bummers” might actually wind up being the perfect opportunity for me to learn and grow a little.
Sometimes when we are so disappointed in things we had high hopes for, it’s hard to hear advice from others. When you’ve been praying and seeking God for something and it doesn’t work out, you know you should “just trust God” but you don’t like hearing it. It almost feels like a little salt being rubbed in your wounds. Although it stings a little, deep in my heart I know how true it is. When we look back on our lives, Matt and I both are amazed at all the times God has completely blessed us better than we had in mind for ourselves. Why would this time be any different? I have all the reasons in the world to put my faith in Him once again. It might not be when or what we pictured but I know He has great things in store for us. So, while I convince myself a house doesn’t matter anyway, I’ll be trying to focus on these reassuring scriptures…
“Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he’s the one who will keep you on track. Don’t assume that you know it all. Run to God!”
-Proverbs 3:5 (Message)
“For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves.”
-1 John 3:20 (Message)